May 2011
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Tales from the VA
My resident, Alejandro, to the patient: “So, what’s going on?”
Patient: “Go back to your country!”
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Tales from the VA
In cafeteria:
Surgeons: laughing…..
Dermatologist: “What’s so funny?”
Surgeon: “you wouldn’t get it, it’s an INSIDE joke”
Me: laughing hysterically
Surgeons & the dermatologist stare at me in confusion….
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I'm slow.
Being on the inpatient medicine service is making me think about tons of stuff.
Like how maybe I shouldn’t lose weight just to be my old skinny self. Like how it’s crazy that smoking kills every organ. Like how life-long smokers sit & suffer during their later years, waiting to die. Like how people spend months & even years dying because of choices they made (fatty foods,...
Tales from the VA
The team walks into the room during rounds and the patient looks at us and says:
Puff, the magic dragon!
The team appears confused:……..
Patient: I just farted!
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trying to keep it from going BOOM
I HAVE SIX WEEKS LEFT AND I WILL BE DONE WITH MY THIRD YEAR OF MEDICAL SCHOOL!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Then I take Step 2 of my licensing exam!
Then I want to do something fun, like drive to Graceland, or rent a cabin somewhere with the pups and go on nature runs!
I start fourth year with pediatric neurology! Followed by a month of Neurophysiology (aka, seizures! seizures! and more seizures!)
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Tales from the VA...
Patient (as I walk in the room): GIVE ME MY BREAKFAST!
Me: Sir, it’s midnight, they’re not serving breakfast.
Patient: Fuck you.
Tales from the VA....
Patient to my resident: Are you Mexican?
Resident: No, I’m Korean.
Patient: My wife drives a Hyundai.
Resident:……….
Tales From the VA....
Me: are you sexually active?
Patient: well, as you know there are many ways to please a woman (licks lips creepily)
Me:….ok
Patient: but the best way is through direct penile-vaginal injection.
Me: (…pause…) do you smoke cigarettes?
Another great day at the VA:
Me: how’s your breathing today?
Patient: I don’t know, I haven’t tried yet…
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